In many cultures money, health, and care are things that we simply don't talk enough about - especially looking into the future. Parents occasionally talk with children about the amount of wealth they may inherit. Very few people talk about their health issues or goals. And it is extremely rare to have discussions about the level of care you hope for as you age. These are all "hard conversations" because they involve acknowledging our own mortality, frailty, or dependence on others, but these "hard conversations" are also the ones that can build stronger relationships and demonstrate how much we do care for the people in our lives. Expressing your wishes can be extremely comforting when financial or health care challenges arise. The point of this series is to provide a framework for these discussions so that you can start having them.

 

We will start with one of the easier of these conversations - talking about your will with your executor (the person in charge of executing your will). On this blog we've already discussed Why you need a will, so hopefully you've got one in place or started that process. If not, please grab a pen and paper and write out a holographic will right now. Once you have a will in place you have laid the groundwork for a smoother transition of assets. What you likely haven't done is prepared your executor for the work that they will at some point take on. Why is this conversation important? While your will provides direction as to your wishes, ultimately your executor has to do all of the legwork to make everything happen (there is a lot of work and it often takes at least 6 months to settle an estate). Not to mention the fact that once they become your executor and have the will probated they will have a lot of power to move assets. 

 

Arrange a meeting

How do I start the conversation? In most cases there won't be any work that needs to be done right away so you can simply ask them to book some time to meet. Sending a text or email can help keep it a little more casual. Try this: "Hey, I've recently updated my will and I would like you to be my executor. Would you have an hour next week to talk about it?"

 

Prepare for the meeting:

Make sure you have an extra copy of the will so that your executor can look at it and understand the type of language used. I would also suggest creating a second document paraphrasing in simple language what the will says. Make sure it includes a itemized list of assets and contacts as well. With these two documents in hand you should have enough information to move between your high level goals and the granular information so that your executor can understand your overall intentions as well as specific choices.

 

The meeting

With the copy of the will in hand, as well as the simplified explainer and itemized list of assets, you have done most of the work already. Once you're both sitting down it is nice to explain how much you trust this person and that you understand that you are asking a lot of work from them. Being an executor is a very demanding task and requires someone who has the capacity, capability, and proximity to carry out your wishes. It is better that the executor can make that decision ahead of time than feel pressured to do it when they are grieving. After you have acknowledged what you're asking of them, you can start making your way through the will so your executor can better understand it and you. Major points like care for dependents, the transfer of family heirlooms, the creation of trusts, charitable giving as well as your wishes for a funeral should all be discussed. Take extra time if your will provides unequal distributions between family members of a similar level (ie siblings receiving different inheritances). Make sure the executor has time to ask questions and understand some of your thought processes. The meeting should be one that strengthens your connection with this person.

 

Follow-up

After your meeting send them an email or text thanking them for making the time. This can help keep the lines of communication open if things change or your will needs to be updated. If you update your will or your wishes change, it's important to revisit the discussion to help your executor understand the change as well as what prompted it. If there isn't any changes, then it still makes sense to check in with your executor every 3-5 years. Ask them to dinner, grab a coffee, tea, or beer, and spend a little bit of time with them. 

 

There are lots of hard conversations to have, hopefully we've made this one a little easier. If it still seems daunting please reach out to us and we would be happy to facilitate the discussion.

 

Cheers,

Pete Galbraith, Investment Advisor & Certified Financial Planner

613-531-2922

peter.galbraith@cibc.com