Skip to Main Content
  • CIBC.com
  • CIBC Private Wealth
  • CIBC Websites
Client Login
  • Home
  • About Us
    • Our Team
  • What We Do
    • Our Detailed Process
    • What Makes Us Different
  • Events & Seminars
  • More Than Money
    • Media
    • Our Blog
  • Contact Us
  • Connect With Us
  • CIBC.com
  • CIBC Private Wealth
  • CIBC Websites
  • Client Login
 CIBC Private Wealth, Wood Gundy  CIBC Private Wealth, Wood Gundy

Popowich Karmali Advisory Group

  • Home
  • About Us
    • Our Team
  • What We Do
    • Our Detailed Process
    • What Makes Us Different
  • Events & Seminars
  • More Than Money
    • Media
    • Our Blog
  • Contact Us
  • Connect With Us

Our Blog

The PKAG Blog

Stay ahead of what impacts your retirement

The PKAG Blog

Stay ahead of what impacts your retirement

Kathryn Olson

June 12, 2024

Facebook
LinkedIn
Twitter
Adult child hugging parent

How to Have Tough Conversations With Your Aging Parents

Can my parents still safely live independently? What red flags should I look out for when it comes to dementia and other health issues? Are their will and powers of attorney up to date? How will our relationship change as they age?

 

We hear these kinds of questions from listeners and clients all the time, especially as Canada’s population ages. And they are topics we have worked through personally as we care for our own aging parents.

 

Tackling these questions is never easy, but the first step is an honest, informed discussion.

 

Laura Tamblyn Watts, CEO of CanAge, has been working in the field of aging for twenty-five years and saw a gap in supporting people who are caring for aging parents. She says that there are plenty of books dedicated to the nine months women are pregnant, but she could not find a guidebook for the decades that people may be supporting their parents.

 

So she decided to write one.

 

Let’s Talk About Aging Parents: A Real-Life Guide to Solving Problems with 27 Essential Conversations addresses four main areas of concern you may have as your parents get older:

 

  1. Living situations: Are they able to age in place? Do they need in-home care? When is the right time to consider long-term care? How do I know what the options are?
  2. Mental capacity: Are my parents experiencing cognitive impairment? Who will make decisions for them when they are no longer able to? What legal documents do they need to sign and when?
  3. Relationships: How do I navigate my changing relationship with my parents? How are their relationships with others changing? How do I cope with caregivers’ guilt?
  4. Health: What warning signs do I need to watch for? How do I get my parents the care they need? When is it time for them to stop driving?

According to Tamblyn Watts, how you approach these conversations with your aging parents is just as important as what you say. Coming to terms with aging and all of the challenges that come with it can be difficult. Your parents may not want to acknowledge that anything is changing, much less talk about it.

 

If you are struggling to have the tough conversations with your aging parents, here are some of Tamblyn Watts’ suggestions to break the ice:

 

Start building discussions into your regular routine. For example, use tax season as a trigger to talk about finances. Help your parents make appointments with their accountant, financial advisors, and even their lawyer. Ask questions like: Can they afford the quality of care they want? What happens if they are no longer able to make financial decisions? How do we properly document their wishes?

 

A birthday is a great time to talk about health. Schedule annual appointments with your parents’ healthcare professionals. Mention any you have noticed in their health over the past year. Ask questions like: Are they still able to drive? Are they healthy enough to live independently? If not, you need to make a plan.

 

Having a trusted team of professionals - accountants, financial advisors, lawyers, healthcare providers - that has your parents’ best interests at heart can make these conversations so much easier.

 

Having a plan for what to say and when is ideal, but you cannot always count on it. Conversations are often triggered by a specific event, for example a fall or a diagnosis. And Tamblyn Watts says that is okay; you cannot get ahead of everything. However, you can use that event as a tool to address not only the current issue, but how your parents want to handle other aging-related challenges.

 

One of Tamblyn Watts’ biggest pieces of advice is to avoid acting like you are the parent. You will always be your parents’ child and it might do more harm than good to tell them what to do. Instead, try asking them for their opinion. For example, I’m thinking of redoing my will. What are your thoughts? Is your will up to date?

 

Another way to test the waters is to ask what their friends are doing. If your parents are experiencing health issues and you are wondering if it is time for them to move out of their own home, ask if any of their friends have moved into assisted living facilities and how they are liking the change.

 

Overall, it is important to be realistic about who your family is. As Tamblyn Watts says, “This isn’t Leave it to Beaver.” If your family disagrees about what to do for your parents as they age, lean on resources like this book to help guide you through it. Tamblyn Watts says a good rule of thumb is to play to your family members’ strengths. If you think your brother is sponging off your mom by living in her basement rent-free, remember that his presence may actually allow her to stay in her house safely for longer. You may be better at helping with finances or researching community-based services.

 

There are no hard and fast rules to having tough conversations with your aging parents, but talking early and talking often can help you make the most of your time with them.

 

If you are interested in learning more about Let’s Talk About Aging Parents: A Real-Life Guide to Solving Problems with 27 Essential Conversations by Laura Tamblyn Watts, click here.

Related posts

Kathryn Olson

May 16, 2024

Federal Budget 2024

Capital Gains Changes: What They Mean for Business Owners

The proposed budget changes are creating a stir in Canadian homes and in the business community, but not all of it is bad. But good, bad, or ugly, they will likely be big issues heading into next year...

Read more

Guest blog: Justin Slimm

October 04, 2024

Four seniors exercising with hand weights

The Power of Strength Training for an Active Retirement

Strength training isn't just for those musclebound guys who go to the gym every day it's one of the most beneficial types of exercise for anyone entering or in retirement.

Read more
 
 
  • Rates
  • FAQ
  • Agreements
  • Trademarks & Disclaimers
  • Privacy & Security
  • CIRO AdvisorReport
  • Accessibility at CIBC
  • Manage Cookie Preferences
  • Cookie Policy
 Canadian Investment Regulatory Organization  Canadian Investor Protection Fund

CIBC Private Wealth” consists of services provided by CIBC and certain of its subsidiaries through CIBC Private Banking; CIBC Private Investment Counsel, a division of CIBC Asset Management Inc. (“CAM”); CIBC Trust Corporation; and CIBC Wood Gundy, a division of CIBC World Markets Inc. (“WMI”). CIBC Private Banking provides solutions from CIBC Investor Services Inc. (“ISI”), CAM and credit products. CIBC Private Wealth services are available to qualified individuals. Insurance services are only available through CIBC Wood Gundy Financial Services Inc. In Quebec, insurance services are only available through CIBC Wood Gundy Financial Services (Quebec) Inc.


CIBC Private Wealth services are available to qualified individuals. The CIBC logo and “CIBC Private Wealth” are trademarks of CIBC, used under license.