What happens when your job ends, but life keeps going?

If you’re feeling excited and a little uneasy at the same time, you’re not alone.

For many people, the hardest part is not the money.

It is the shift in routine, identity, and purpose.

Here’s the story we get sold

 

The way our culture markets retirement is that:

 

The grass is greener on the other side.

 

We go off beliefs rather than being proactive and living with reliefs.

 

But the “we’ll plan it out when we get there” crowd is often disappointed.

 

Because when a major life transition happens it can challenge someone’s sense of meaning and identity.

 

When our day no longer includes:

• The grind of traveling to work
• The colleagues we fought in the trenches with
• The meaning we derived from our blood sweat and tears.

We’re not sure who we are without that.

 

The Canadian Psychological Association points out that transitioning from employment to retirement can result in a sense of loss of identity, especially when work has been the primary identity for years. [1]

 

If you have ever had a moment where someone asks, “So what do you do now?” and you freeze, that is what this is.

 

But retirement can also be a partnership transition

 

Not to mention the husbands or wives who have to help navigate that journey.

 

Heather Spurrell describes this stage as sitting at the intersection of leadership, identity, and partnership. When routines change and roles shift, the next chapter can wobble even if nothing is “wrong.” [2]

 

Without a proper plan we can get lost in the rabbit hole of purpose.

 

So what can you do?

 

Step 1: Name the phase you’re in (Atchley’s phases of retirement)

 

A simple way to make this feel less foggy is to recognize that retirement often moves through phases.

 

One of the most cited frameworks is Robert Atchley’s phase model, which describes retirement as a transition with predictable emotional shifts for many people. [3]

1. Pre-retirement: planning, picturing, and wondering what life will look like
2. Retirement (the big day): the routine stops, the structure disappears overnight
3. Contentment: relief, freedom, and “I finally get to do what I want”
4. Disenchantment: the dip when novelty fades and “now what?” shows up
5. Reorientation: experimenting, adjusting expectations, rebuilding a rhythm that fits
6. Routine: a new normal that feels steady and satisfying

Important note: not everyone experiences every phase, and not everyone experiences them in this order. But naming the phase can reduce the anxiety of thinking you are doing retirement “wrong.” [3]

 

Quick action: Circle the phase you are in right now. Then write one sentence: “What do I need most in this phase?”

 

Step 2: Create your own bucket list (values first, not just destinations)

 

Create your own bucket list based on a set of goals you would like to achieve.

 

But goals that reinforce your values.

 

In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is about becoming what you are capable of becoming, living in a way that fits who you are, not who you were expected to be. [4][5]

 

Do you want to volunteer and offer your time to something bigger?

 

It sounds noble, but ask yourself why and how it relates to you.

 

Most people think a bucket list is a checklist of travel places or activities from the Jack Nicholson movie. (let’s jump out of a plane)

 

But according to retirement transition expert Barry LaValley a bucket list can also include:

• Personal goals that help you spiritually.
• Physical goals that promote health and wellness.
• The intellectual achievements you want to attain.
• Social achievements that nurture and support your social network.
• Spectator goals that allow you to see things you have never seen before
• Creative goals that focus on your creativity and help you rediscover your passion

If this feels intangible, here is a simple way to make it real: connect each of your buckets to an emotional value.

 

Bucket	A value it might reinforce	A quick test question
Intellectual	Curiosity / mastery	What would I love to get good at?
Social	Connection / belonging	Who do I want to go on a journey with?
Spiritual	Grounding / meaning	What keeps me steady?
Creative	Self-expression	What have I been suppressing that I can use to create with?
Physical	Vitality	What does “strong” mean to me now?
Spectator	Wonder	What do I want to see with my own eyes?

 

Quick action: Pick one bucket. Write the value beside it. Answer the question in one sentence.

 

Step 3: Turn wishes into goals (because goals have a strategy)

 

But some people might say these are “wishes” rather than “goals”.

 

The big difference is that a goal has a strategy behind it.

 

Goal-setting research is clear: specific and challenging goals lead to better outcomes than vague “do your best” intentions. [6]

 

Use this simple bridge:

 

Specific → Challenging → Measurable → Time-based → Supported

 

If someone says, “I always wanted to go visit Italy, but now I can in retirement,” build the goal like this:

Specific
Why Italy? What exactly do you want to do there?

Challenging
What would make this meaningful, not just a vacation?

Measurable
How will you know it was worth it? What would make you say, “I’m glad I did that”?

Time-based
When are you going, and for how long?

Supported
What needs to be in place so this works, financially, physically, and in your life rhythm?

Because the goal isn’t just “Italy.” The goal is what Italy “means” to you.

 

Quick action: Break down one of your buckets into these five steps and write a date next to it. A goal with no date is a wish.

 

Step 4: Do it as a couple (even if your goals are different)

 

If you’re navigating this with a partner, it helps to build two bucket lists:

• Yours
• Theirs
• One shared list

Because it is not only about agreeing on what you do. It is about agreeing on what this chapter should feel like together.

 

Heather Spurrell’s work focuses on helping individuals and couples create smoother transitions, stronger alignment, and a clearer next chapter. [7]

 

Quick action: Ask your partner one question tonight:

 

What do you want this chapter to feel like for you?

 

Practical steps you can take

 

Retirement isn’t one leap. It’s a series of small steps that rebuild identity, reconnect relationships, and restore meaning.

 

If you don’t paint the blank canvas with your vision, you will drift.

 

So start small this week:

 

1. Write down one value you want retirement to reinforce (freedom, contribution, curiosity, connection, vitality, faith, creativity).

2. Choose one bucket that supports it.

3. Turn it into one specific goal with a timeline.

4. If you have a partner, ask: What do you want this chapter to feel like for you?

 

And if you need more support, reach out to a coach that can help you with your retirement transition, or to us and we can connect you with someone that specializes in the area.

 

Because the goal isn’t to “stay busy.”

 

The goal is to build a retirement that feels like yours.

 

Sources

 

[1] Canadian Psychological Association, “Psychology Works Fact Sheet: Retirement”

https://cpa.ca/psychology-works-fact-sheet-retirement/

 

[2] Heather Spurrell, Couples Transition Coaching

https://heatherspurrell.com/couples-transition-coaching/

 

[3] Investopedia, “Phases of Retirement” (Atchley model summary)

https://www.investopedia.com/terms/p/phases-retirement.asp

 

[4] Maslow, A. H. (1943). “A Theory of Human Motivation” (PsychClassics)

https://psychclassics.yorku.ca/Maslow/motivation.htm

 

[5] American Psychological Association Dictionary of Psychology, “Self-actualization”

https://dictionary.apa.org/self-actualization

 

[6] Locke, E. A., & Latham, G. P. (2002). “Building a Practically Useful Theory of Goal Setting and Task Motivation” (Rotman hosted PDF)

https://www-2.rotman.utoronto.ca/facbios/file/09%20-%20Locke%20%26%20Latham%202002%20AP.pdf

 

[7] Heather Spurrell, Website

https://heatherspurrell.com/